


like you said, every moment was worth it to be alive

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Music, No Beta, Oddly Fluffy?, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: hey, it's medo you see what i seeand how the sky is blue?oh, how can i get it through to you-itte, jubyphonic cover
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kim Daehyun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	like you said, every moment was worth it to be alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JamlessGenius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/gifts).



There comes a time after one's death where the sharp _missing_ ebbs into a kind of dull ache - the kind that can be talked about with twinges of pain instead of the sharp _ripping-tearing-breaking_ of fresh loss - and it's both a comfort and a different sort of pain.

A comfort, because, well- 

you're moving on.

You're moving on, and it hurts less, hurts more in the bitter ache than the sharp stabbing way it used to, and that's _comforting_ , in a way, because it means the world won't crumble forever.

A different kind of pain, because, well... 

you're moving on.

You're moving on, and in a way, you're leaving that person behind - betraying their memory, somehow, by not missing them every second of every day - and it's this thin line Daehyun treads, teetering between relief and sharp _guilt_ every second of every day. 

Jaewon's dead. 

Jaewon's dead, _has been_ dead for a few years now, and it's something they don't discuss - the elephant in the room they all tip-toe around, none of them willing to acknowledge it - and Daehyun _hates it_.

He hates this, hates how everything is hidden with skillful media work and an NDA, hates how _Jaewon's_ been hidden away, because he doesn't-

doesn't deserve it.

(he still remembers a few days Before. still remembers how jaewon looked at him, faded hair spilling over his shoulders, and told him that it wasn't always necessary to have a reason to live, that simply living was enough, still remembers the promise they made to meet up after jaewon got home, _still remembers_ -)

It aches.

He should've done more, Daehyun thinks, scribbling a few notes onto the sheet music in front of him. He should've done more when he could.

Maybe this posthumous token will be enough.

* * *

Dongho looks at him like he's insane when he first mentions it.

"You want to write a song for Jaewon-ah?" he asks, and Daehyun can _hear it_ \- the old pain tamped down under layers of professionalism and calm - and so he presses, because he _knows_ Dongho wants this just as much as he does.

"Yeah. I'm not as good as you, though, so I want your help."

Dongho's lips twitch, a hint of amusement seeping into his eyes as he turns back to his desktop. "Alright. What do you have so far?"

Honestly, though, Daehyun shouldn't be surprised.

He still remembers the way Dongho cried (only when he was alone, and even then with his hands clasped over his mouth to muffle the noise) and that, more than anything, tells him what he needs to know.

"I want to do something just with guitar," Daehyun replies, and Dongho quirks a brow.

"Really?"

"It's natural," Daehyun shrugs. "Raw. Not... edited."

He's not making much sense, but he likes to think Dongho knows what he means anyways.

Sure enough, the eldest pushes his hair back from his face and wraps a rubber band around it, a challenging twist to his lips as he pulls a few sheets of paper out of a drawer.

"Alright. Let's get to work, then."

* * *

"So, I hear you're working on a secret song."

Minsoo pronounces "secret song" in much the same way he pronounces "secret sauce", Daehyun notes, watching as the leader flops down on the couch next to him. He's only in his workout clothes - and, somehow, they're still stolen from Dongho - and shakes his hair out before leaning into Daehyun's side, a few drops of water spraying over the couch.

"Hyung," Daehyun whines, shoving him away. "That's _gross_."

"What's gross is you keeping secrets from me!" Minsoo protests, and Daehyun groans, trying his best to shove the elder away.

"Then go take a _shower_. You _stink_."

"I have ideas!" Minsoo protests, pointing at an empty space in the ninety-seventh measure. "Like right there, you can add an arpeggio to build for dramatic effect."

"...huh."

Daehyun scribbles it in and tests it out in his brain, and _damn, that does work_.

"Wow, hyung. Who knew you could have a coherent thought?"

"Fuck you!" Minsoo shrieks, pouncing on Daehyun and knocking him back to the couch. "I am a _genius_!"

"What you are is a fool," Dongho drawls, taking another sip from his coffee. 

" _Hey_!"

Minsoo may joke, Daehyun knows, but he misses Jaewon as much as the rest of them. Feels responsible, even, in a way the rest of them don't - he's the leader, after all, he should've _done something_.

Never mind that there was nothing he could do. 

Still, Daehyun knows he's trying in what little way he can, and he thinks Jaewon would like that.

Hopes he would, at least.

* * *

The first time he has to perform the song, he's absolutely panicking.

He has to perfectly summarize _Jaewon_ in one song, one song he has one shot to sing, and _oh yeah, this is the first time this song is ever going to be heard_.

Panicked is an _understatement_.

"You're going to be fine," Dongho assures him, adjusting Daehyun's jean jacket in an attempt to hide his own nerves. "You've practiced enough to do it with your eyes closed."

"Why would he close his eyes?" Minsoo mutters, glowering at Dongho out of the corner of his eye. "Stupid idiot..."

"Thanks, hyung," Daehyun grins, patting Minsoo on the head. Of course, Minsoo's too small to do the same, so Daehyun just gets to listen to him scream until the podium raises.

He stares at Dongho and Minsoo as long as he can, taking in the look of pride on Dongho's face and the excitement on Minsoo's, and as soon as they disappear, he's all but blinded by the bright stage lights. 

They fade to blue in an instant, and Daehyun clears his throat, gazing out at the crowd for a moment as his fingers find their places on the frets.

He has one shot.

One shot to make a song that expresses who _Jaewon_ was. One shot to express the person he knew, not the person the media painted.

There's no point waiting, though.

After all, they've already waited long enough to tell his story.

He takes a breath, closes his eyes, and starts to sing.

**Author's Note:**

> just wrote this bc why not ^^ i hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> fic title from jubyphonic's cover of itte (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of1N3x0YPIw)


End file.
